I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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