I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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