You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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