and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Did I show you my penis last night?
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
