M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I love you. Go after that dick
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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