I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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