it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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