RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
