I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
