I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
