I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
