oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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