So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
