If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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