this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
