none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Randomize
