I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize