pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I have fence marks all over my body
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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