We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize