Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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