I think im going to throw up on grandma
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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