So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
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