4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
NoShamevember. You game?
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
