No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
