Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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