just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
