I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
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