I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
