I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
