I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
