Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
