Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
