Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
What happened to fro yo and sex?
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
