ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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