I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize
