Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
