just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
