Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
