the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize