Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
