You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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