Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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