I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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