We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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