Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
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