dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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