so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
