Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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