I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
