this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
