; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize