The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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