My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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