I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
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