Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
We're using joints as your birthday candles
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
