I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
