you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
