I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
