come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
