do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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