Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
