So drunk, too bad you don't want this
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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