Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
