dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize