Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
This is classic penis vs brain.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I just forgot I was standing up.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
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