I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
